Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
