I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just pee around me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
