I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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