Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
