Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
