If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
