You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
