you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
