we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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