happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
