3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
