Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
