My cat gives me a boner
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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