I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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