My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My life is pants optional.
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