Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
