I wanna bring you to show and tell
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
