omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize