Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
