Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
