Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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