lets start a swedish sibling band together
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
