Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
