If i could tip my vagina, i would.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
