his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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