I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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