He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
