I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
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Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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