we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
