I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
