thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
