My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
