There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She bit a glass in half.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
