i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
