we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
