I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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