Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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