i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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