Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
