Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
