I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Holy shit dude........stairs
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize