I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
