I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
