that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
