I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
