I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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