I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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