Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
