apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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