there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
