did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
