she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
