well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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