before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
