I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
