We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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