Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
