you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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