Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
