He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize