does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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