My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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