watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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