i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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