70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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