Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
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Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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