the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
