nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
