it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i drank out of a bidet.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
