Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
