Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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