we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
