I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
