Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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