Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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